Here are some messages I have had recently, from various (straight, white, cisgendered) men, when I expressed my desire to be treated like a person with feelings.
“If you’re married I can only assume you aren’t looking for a boyfriend. If you’re not looking for a boyfriend then what exactly are you looking for? If you’re looking for friends then you chose the wrong app because I’m single and want to go on dates with women who are interested in a bit more than friendship… should go without saying really.”
“I’m confused. What do you want?”
“I guess I should have known this would be too complicated to figure out when I saw that you were married. Well, we live and learn.”
“What exactly are you looking for?”
And here are some questions that I have.
Do you always know what you’re looking for?
If I don’t make up my mind about somebody right away, why am I accused of being a cocktease or wasting your time?
If I was single, would I be such a tease for not being able to tell you exactly what I want? Or would I be being “too keen” or “too slutty” if I did?
Is it not worth the effort to be nice to me or get to know me because I already “belong” to another man?
Why don’t I deserve compassion and empathy?
What’s wrong with having those things in a relationship that you know isn’t going to end in marriage?
Why should it matter where a relationship is going? Can’t you give this moment your best self?
Do we have to have either friendship or a sexual relationship, and not both?
If so, why is friendship the consolation prize?
I get it guys, it’s not a problem with you, it’s a problem with the system. But can y’all just try to, you know, fight that caveman instinct and not be such a fuckboy?
Also, follow Angie on Instagram so you can see wonderful comics about polyamory as soon as she’s finished them.